It's My Life

ummm.. i had a beer at the bars tonight and discovered it is impossible to not go to bed before 4 am i am really tired and have a lot i need to do tommrow yet i am still up.
Diet starting on monday sadly the only thing i think im gonna miss is beer isnt' that weird.

My grandmother passed away this morning at about 1:30. I am very glad that she doesn't have to suffer any longer she had a very hard ending and I am happy that she is with god now. Im very glad that her and my grandfather are back togeather. This is very hard though because my whole life the two of them have represented something to me in a sense of a legacy with the family they created togeather. I loved them both very much and respected them and valued them dearly. I am sorry that they are no longer in my life. I really did belief untill about a month ago that cockroachs and my grandmother would be all the stood the test of time but I was wrong. The last three years since my grandfather passed away shes moved from home to home and shes been very unhappy I know. She died at the young age of 76 but she lived a full life 9 children more than 40 grandchildren and then the countless great granchildren also I hope she was happy and I am sure she was.

I haven't really slept much in the last few days. For Easter I will probably sleep and then go see my mom or maybe clean. I wish everyone a happy Easter and hope that you all find the joy and sybolism for this glorious holiday because I know now that I will no longer think if it as a simple spring holiday it will become in my mind a day of great importance. I believe that it is very important that my grandmother passed today. Perhaps it was wrote in a book that Jenny Westmoreland would pass on the day that christ rose and think she would have liked that.

Happy Easter

So yesterday was weird . I woke up went to work. It absolutly blew. I hate going to work and not making money it pisses the fuck out me. Then shane comes in ( my manager) and says are you ok you've been really off lately not cool i think but i just kind made a few side comments and said i was fine . so then when i went to sit down after i got done with work to eat and wait for my parents he told me he was gonna clock me in to just give me some free hours I was like okay?? but i guess thats cool really nice acutlly free money thats like a dream come true.

So then we wnt to go see my grandma me and my parents cuz she got moved to stillwater shes been a coma for a while so I was really nervous but when we got htere it was so weird cuz her eyes were open and she was moving her hand and was like she was trying to talk and she kept yawning. My mom got so excited it was really weird. but then the nurse came in and told us that she was still in the coma that this was just a stage of it and that people in comas can hear you and reconize your voice so if they show signs of reconition it doens't mean they understand you they just know you are there. It was weird like i can't even describe it like she was there but she wasn't there and it really broke my moms heart like i know my mom really just wants to be able to talk to her again at least just one more time but i doubt that even if she did wake up she would be able to talk. This is giving my mom hope but i really hope she doessn't get hurt. This is really hard right now espically since its like an end of a really important era? does that make sense its just that once my grandma is gone its like the end of the unitedness of my moms family its like the family will be over after shes gone. Im so sorry that shes in pain too i really hope that this doesn't happen to my mom its so hard to watch and see it.

Pam is coming here tommrow hopefully I will get to see her while she is here thats my aunt who lives south for all who didn't know. Im glad she at least gets to make it up before grandma dies unlike grandpa i know it will mean a lot to her.

Oh well what else its been a while oh school sucks does anyone have 3500 dollars i could borrow my dad isnt going to pay for my tution I suppose im gonna have to fight him to get his tax info to fill out a fafsa where i won't even be able to get half of that and then that will be money i'll have to pay unlike the fucking gift of it that he was supposed to give to me for my 21st bday what an ass GOD i've done really good about not taking money from them for so long but only thinking that they would be helping me with school and they don't even care about my school seriouly though i don't even know if i do anymore. I have my classes all picked out for next semester but as far as my ambition goes who knows. I know the better thing to do would probably be take a semester off save up all the money i could possibly make and then go back but god i just want to be done! so who knows i want to finish and i don't think I would ever go back if i did that so i got to go ot work though now so everyone have a bueitful day outside in this gorgeous wheather i envy you.

I loved Cancun but, now im back home stuck going to work again and school so that sucks I hate snow and there just happens to be a lot of it out side any who how long does the stomach flu last does anyone know?? hmm well i have to go cuz i have to work in a while

god i feel like i have no time to do anything I hate my life well thats extreme ehhh oh well i need to go shopping but im poor ick

MEN ARE BASTERDS ALL OF THEM INCLUDING ADAM RIGHT NOW CUZ HE'S NOT WERE HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE IT DOESN'T MATTER CUZ SOONER OR LATER YOU'LL END UP MARRYING THEM AND THEY'LL ALL HAVE AFFAIRS ALL OF THEM DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hey so whats the deal with our burgers at ruby tuesdays do you know... well i do now cuz if i don't i get yelled at fuck that. I hate being sick at least im not coughing so far today but im sneezing a lot. I think im attached to paisley i miss her like i was cuddling here with cleo and dont' get me wrong i miss cleo to when shes not around but she always is around me and paisley was in Trishs room and I missed her so then when she came out it was so cute when she stood at my door and meowed to be let in.

So all those commercials for novu ring are scary cuz the ring looks so big. Hey i saw this one kid yesterday that i used to know and he wasn't ugly anymore and he was with this really pretty girl oh that pissed me off hard core. People who become unattractive should not be allwoed to become attractive. awww paisley is so cute i love her!!

I hate working i have to work all weekedn close tonight double tommrow and then the same next weekend. Oh i dn't like my GM hes a dink he was singing "thats the way uhuh uhuh we like it uhuh uhuh" who sings that ? besides someone elses lame manager. School is going to be tough this semester really hard. Davida Alperin is dumb seriously im gonna hate my congressional politics class I swear she doesn't teach shes just like this is how you outline a chapter blah blah blah. At least Ashley and Amy are in half of my classes actully 2/3s. I should take a nap before i go to work tonight. well later

Wow I think its incredible that one of the greatest peopole i've known in my whole life could have such a fucked up bunch of children it sucks !! My grandmother is sick in the hospital and it wasn't worth my aunt genise telling us so nobody knew that she almost died and no one has gone to see herand the last time the whole family was together was when my grandpa died and since then its like no one cares bout the needs of the other people. like for real it didn't hit me how hard we all fell apart till the other day i was at the liqer store and i thought the clerk was my cousing Donnie but he didn't say anything to me so i just guessed it was a look a like but then i told my mom and she said it was probalby him because he does work at a liqer store . thats just sad when you don't even reconize your own family i used to live in the same house as the kid its crazy?? anyway its hard to type while watching trl and i got to go get ready for work I just wanted to say that famlies are fucked up for real they are you would think that they would want to have people to lean back on but all they ever do is make things worst they suck anyway peace !!

why oh why me !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Im super pissed off I swear i just had my fucking period sometime between christmas and newyears and here it is AGAIN way to early im not supposed to have it for another week at least god damn this means i'll have it while we're in cancun.. i was wondering why everything was blwoing up and my hair and face were all greasy damn im am not having this while i am in mexico. If anyone knows how to not get your period besides birth control(though thats looking really inticiing right now!) please let me know.

Well its new years eve and i have to fucking work tonight but oh well im getting off early and for the first time in like a long time i actully know what im gonna do on newyears eve!! I've never really had a lot of fun on new years so hopefully we can change that tonight. im gonna drink a lot lol doesn't everyone ...I know Trish will jk. anyway im kinda glad 05 is over at least this past week has sucked. I got all C's and one D for grades that blew oh my Dad is going threw a mid life crisis going after 23 year old girls isn't that cool My check card got cancelled wiht no one telling me that all blows but For 06 i will become finacilly stabe cut ties from my father for any need of support become smart oh and quit smoking and lose weight OMG i sound like bridgit Jones oh well shes cool she got to make out with Hugh Grant thatd be cool if that happened to me in 06!!!

I like how last night at Lindsays we were saying our new years resolutions out loud outside me trish and Adam cuz we're a family, but anyway yeah i say im gonna have sex this year and theres some random old guy walking out side lol only to me . well anyway im gonna go im gonna take a shower and do my hair and stuff cuz its new years and i've got to try to look hot there might be somoene to kiss at midnight lmao.

Well have a good night to all who might read this and be safe and best wishs for 06.